It’s more than math…

So I’ve been trying to come up with the math on how long I have been sober. An online sobriety calculator says:

Roughly four days, or 117 hours, or 7,079 minutes, or the seconds were counting to around 425,000, so far. Not bad. If I remember right I haven’t made it for an entire month sober in almost 7 years. Right now, that is my goal. To make it to the 8th of May with no relapse. Not one drink or even a sip. Sounds extremely difficult today.

I went out again last night without alcohol. Drank soda water with a lemon and a lime. Nice touch bartender. Had a nice dinner with my husband. Maybe me being sober is more of a barrier in our relationship than I thought. I can hold a conversation better. I listen more. Look into his eyes more. I even saw a glimpse of the man I married all those years ago. He’s there. Under the pain and chains of alcohol. Oh how I still love him. And miss him. Sigh.

I need to get through this weekend. If I can go one weekend without getting hangover drunk, I think I might have a chance at sobriety. And what I think would be a true chance at happiness.

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