As a stay at home mom, I rarely ever share my goings on during the day. If I am asked how my day went or how my day is going I usually say, “Just doin’ my mom job.” When I was asked how my day went yesterday, I said, as usual, “Just doin’ my mom job.” And I finished the sentence in my head with the word “sober”. Just doin’ my mom job…sober. That thought hit me hard. Wow. I really am doing this sober and doing it a freaking million times better sober. In my opinion.
I see the bottom of the laundry pile finally. Sober.
I see the counter clean and the dishes put away from the dishwasher. Sober.
I see the beds made and the floors swept. Sober.
I see my kids happier. Sober.
I put puzzles together, take walks, play games, have long talks. All with my children. Sober.
I see my husband happier with me. Sober.
We don’t argue. Sober.
I’m not paranoid. Sober.
Ok. You get the idea. But this is a revelation to someone who hasn’t been sober for ten years. I thought I was fine. I thought I was fooling everyone. I thought I was a good mom and wife.
My mother’s mother used to say “Southern women can do anything. Even with a kid on their hip.” Not true. Sadly. Sorry, Gramma. I believed it when I was a kid. But it ain’t true. We can’t do all things when we are drunk, holding that kid on our hip and praying we don’t fall down and hurt us both. But, I still love you, Gramma. Forever. Bless your heart. I am trying to prove you right though… Sober.
Every single sentence that comes out of my mouth now, I secretly say sober after it. It’s annoying and I love it at the same time. I was drugging myself and lying to myself. If you’re reading this… Mom or not… Don’t do that. Don’t waste ten years of your life like me. Wake up! It’s not worth it. Learn from someone who has already been there and done that.
Ok. Now… Back to doin’ my mom job… sober. 🙂