Day 52 & My Sober Vacay Worries

So. Day 52. One month and 22 days. SOBER. But next weekend brings trouble. I would have thought last weekend would be trouble. Memorial Day party. LITERALLY, EVERY SINGLE ADULT WAS PLASTERED. Did I act this stupid when I was drinking? Probably. Seriously?!?! Let’s be honest. I did. I’m no different or better. Just that these days… I don’t touch a drop, but I also don’t judge if anyone else does.

It’s weird to me that nobody seemed to like the idea that I don’t drink anymore. I learned that I am a fairly fun person when I’m drunk. Huh. Who knew? I certainly didn’t because I was never sober long enough to remember conversations or situations.

So to get through the “YOU ARE NOT DRINKING!?!? WTH!?!? IS THE WORLD ENDING???” comments, I played the designated driver card. And thankfully, I really was one. Drove home a couple of falling down drunk girls. I would be afraid of what happened to them if I hadn’t of coerced them to get in the car with me. Would they have driven? I’m not sure what they would have done, but the old me would have. Gone home with some random guy? Meh. Not my style, but who knows what you would do when you’re blackout drunk like I used to be and like they were Saturday night.

They had this one guy trying to take them home. He was falling down drunk too AND married. Married and trying to take a couple of single girls home. Hugging and kissing all over them and me for that matter. Ugh. I had respect for this guy before. Not so much now. Maybe he’s not like that when he’s sober. Who knows? I don’t and I don’t care. Just glad these two girls were safe and sound when I left them. They both texted me the next day. Hangovers. I certainly don’t miss that. Poor things.

Anyway. Back to the reason why I’m writing this out. I’m concerned about my first vacation sober. I want to do this. Desperately want to, but what if I can’t? Does that mean it’s over? I go right back to being the drunk asshole I was before? I don’t like that person. I think she needs to stay at home. She doesn’t get to go on vacation. I will take sober Ray. She deserves a vacation. A sober one. Yes, it’s the third person. Why? Because I still dislike my English teacher.

Staying sober,

Ray

P.S. If you have read my rantings, I really did stop taking the antidepressants for good. They do make me a freaking paranoid lunatic. I’m leading a way better life without them.

4 thoughts on “Day 52 & My Sober Vacay Worries

  1. You’re awesome at life just being you – that’s great that you are better without the antidepressants! They’re great if they are a help but even better if you are coping without. I can absolutely relate to the thoughts about sober holidays – I was so sure I wanted to quit drinking but the one thought that immediately popped into my head when I made the decision to get sober was “OH FUCK! What about Paris?!!”. I’d booked a weekend break for hubby’s birthday and to me it seemed like a massive problem – how could I possibly enjoy (or even manage) Paris without vin blanc??? I don’t know if this will at all be reassurance for you given we’re all different, but for me there was eventually a shift in how I saw things and felt. Possibly due to being on the Pink Cloud and being in such awe at how amazing I suddenly felt sober, I was almost like a child who in wide eyed wonder suddenly saw a whole new (sober) world and was amazed by it. And with that came really looking forward to Paris. Not just Paris, but Paris SOBER! Waking up with a clear head, feeling physically great and able to go out and do stuff, see things and BE there. Just like I now look forward to another weekend away to discover another city SOBER in a couple of days and our Italy holiday in July – I can’t wait! It’s still a little weird and I can’t deny that old thinking and old ways do pop into my head – like the image of drinking wine in the evening on our sea view balcony in Italy – but even so, my discovery and also belief (now that I’ve got a growing pile of evidence thereof!) that sobriety is infinitely lovelier is increasingly, with each day that passes, taking root and is becoming my preference by far. Dare I even say it – I don’t WANT to drink this weekend or drink in Italy because that’d really ruin it all! Anyway, I don’t know if that’s helpful whatsoever but I think you’re awesome, I think you’re doing so SO well and I just know in my heart you’ll continue to kick ass. You’ll be fine, buddy! Just look how far you’ve come – you’re a miracle. Sophie xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is just priceless to me. It made me cry. In a good way. The encouragement means more to me than I could explain to you. I didn’t realize how much I needed that. Thank you. So much.

      Like

  2. PS. And no, I don’t think it’s all over if you were to slip. We’re just human so never beat yourself up. And I’ll be here to cheer you on no matter what. All heroes have battle wounds, I think. x

    Liked by 1 person

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